And here we go again with the daily C/Z snippet -
You can see this as part 2 to this one: http://julchen11.livejournal.com/221697.htm
Title: "First talk"
Zeke woke up early in the morning with a massive headache and he felt sick.
His mom was right. He should do something.
Today he would talk to Casey. Maybe about what he could he be interested in or something like that.
He was sure Casey spends entire days, weeks sitting in the house playing video games, surfing
the web, or watching TV.
It must be a lonely place to be.
After finishing breakfast and feeding his cat he waited for the school bus. It sucked to have no car.
He had to fix this soon, very soon.
He would see him in a few minutes and he felt super-nervous.
This sucked, too.
How could he get him to know that he wants to talk to him?
At the next bus stop Casey joined, looked at him and stopped abruptly.
Zeke winked and pointed at the empty seat next to him.
'Yeah... I made the first step...'
Case sat down and kept quiet.
Oh boy. It was frustrating.
The boy startled and looked at him as if he would be an alien.
"So how you're doing?"
Small talk. Shit! Shit. Zeke hated small talk. It meant nothing, no one was really interested in answers.
"What do you want from me, Zeke?"
Zeke just wanted to shout "HEY, I'm a pretty damned cool person and pretty nice if you get to know me"
but he only smiled. "Just wanna be nice to you..."
"To me? Why? Because I'm a loser?"
"No. ... No..."
It was the hell of a conversation and Zeke was already drenched in sweat after 1 minute.
There was this gut-wrenching uneasiness around Casey. How did he get him to know the real Zeke
when he couldn't communicate properly?
Tell the truth, Zeke Tyler. Plain and simple.
"I just... want to get to know you better..." it was out!
Casey looked ... amused and ... uninterested, didn't look at him, his eyes examining the floor.
Slowly he lifted his head and smiled back at Zeke "Good..."
Before Zeke could react he had left.
Zeke could pinch himself...
But this wouldn't help.
The classes ran slowly, he couldn't concentrate - he felt like sitting in a big soap bubble,
voices in a blur. It was a bad day.
He didn't have any classes today with Casey so it happened that he got to see him on their way
home. In the school bus. He had to get a new car. As quick as possible. This time he didn't have
to wink to Casey. The boy sat down next to him without his permission. Ok, he didn't need
permission, to tell the truth Zeke was... surprised.
Step number two.
"Casey, what are are you going to do this afternoon?"
Casey turned his head, shook it and asked him. "May I ask you something?
"Nobody - and I mean nobody - really wants to talk to me. So what do you want
"Told you already..."
"I'm not ... cool or adventurous or a very important person, Zeke. You can't be serious."
"But I am. Can we talk about this later?"
"4 p.m. - your place?"
"4 p.m. - but your place, ok?"
With this Casey left again a confused and insecure Zeke.
To Zeke time crawled slowly like a snail. He looked at his watch every 5 minutes
but finally it was 4 p.m. and Casey came along. Punctually.
They sat on the steps to the porch of his parent's house - a comforting silence
"Zeke? You wanted to talk...so talk..."
"Why did you come?"
Casey jumped at his feet but Zeke grabbed his arm to push him down again.
"I'm sorry... I got you an invitation, sorry. I just don't know what to say..."
Casey exhaled deeply.
"Zeke, to tell the truth ... I didn't want to go, but I was sick of sitting at home alone on Friday afternoon...
And I was curious what this is all about..."
Zeke chuckled. "Believe it or not - I'm curious, too."
"Zeke. Seriously. You DO know lots of people so why did you invite me?"
"Casey. I told you twice. I just want to get to know you better. I don't know why
I only know I want ... to talk to you."
Zeke felt the boy relaxing - that made him feel slightly better.
"Tell me something about you. Why don't you go out? What are you doing when you're at home?"
Casey didn't answer at once ... but Zeke sensed that he just needed a little time .
"Have you ever been that person people look at like "What do YOU want?" - it's the feeling
that nobody really wants to talk to you. There's nothing like saying something and having
people look at you like you're interrupting. It's frustrating and I can't stand it sounding like
an idiot as soon as I start talking about ...whatever..."
Zeke listened carefully. "I'll be listening, Casey ... go on..."
"I don't go out and sometimes I'm asking myself - I'm not the tallest so why do I feel always like a tree in a
lavender field when I try to get a conversation running. There are the whisperers behind my back,
you know ... the whispers "idiot, geek, dork, nerd, loser..." but when I look at them - they look away.
It's a confirmation for me that they are right..."
"No. No, Casey. They are not. Don't think so less of yourself."
"but you don't know me..."
"I think we aren't that different..."
"No. No. Yes - I'm Zeke Tyler and people respect me but do they like me? They like the parties here,
you know ... no parents around, Zeke always can do what pleases him, blahblahblah... But it isn't that easy as it
"What do you mean?"
"I'm alone here. when I'm coming home - no one is waiting for me. My family isn't around, Casey.
You're kind of a lucky boy..."
They both didn't realize that they were opening their minds, opening
a floodgate ...
"How many days of our life have gone by wasted ... because we are alone, Casey."
"But you are not alone, Zeke. You have friends, girls and boys are looking up to you - admiring you.That's
way different they are looking at me - if they are going to notice me at all."
"Friends... I thought about so called friends... Buddies, yes, but a friend is someone you would tell
"Not necessarily. At least not at the beginning..."
"But we are doing it right now..."
Zeke lit another cigarette, taking a deep drag and continued talking.
"I think the problem for most of people is that they can't express their... need for... help..."
" Hey. Usually I'm the one who speaks to no one, nobody wants to talk to..."
"But you're talking to me..."
Casey didn't respond...
"That's good. "
He looked sad somehow, hurt. At this painful moment Zeke made a vow to solve... Casey's pain... his pain, too.
After a while Zeke started again "When I'm talking with people, I put on a mask that covers the real me.
But with you it's different..."
"Why,Zeke? Why? You don't know me at all..."
"I wish I could explain it ... "
"You don't have to... It's strange that you've chosen me among all people... but I think I understand..."
"You don't like the loneliness. Just like me. Sometimes it's simply unbearable, the worst thing for me is
when I'm standing in a crowd and I feel like a real nobody..."
"It's weird. I didn't expect our conversation being like this..."
"Me, too. I don't know why but right now I know the right things to say... though I'm still nervous..."
The conversation went on for the next 2 hours, they talked about school, video games and this and that.
It was getting dark when Casey had to leave.
Casey giggles "Hey, it was me talking the most... Thanks to you,Zeke..."
"Casey, what are you going to do tomorrow?"
"No plans. May I ask you something?"
"Could we meet again tomorrow? But only if you have no other plans..."
"Would be nice... 3 p.m.?"
"See you, then. Good night, Zeke..."
"Good night, Casey..."
Zeke didn't move for a while, hands in his pockets and smiled.
It wasn't that bad after all. He'd call his mom... and tell her about it...
And he was looking for the next day.
This was a first, too.