Happy belated birthday my dearest i_o_r_h_a_e_l
I'm so sorry I missed your special day but I hope it was a good one, full of love and joy - may the coming year one of your bests!
Love you, baby!
And here's a little something for you (I hope you'll enjoy)
I like to drive the black four-door 1967 Chevy Impala from the series, listening to Led Zeppelin’s Ramble on. It gives me the feeling from wildness, freedom, independence.
Safety too, somehow.
They say I’m a bit like Dean. Jared says so. My four year younger brother in the series and
… my Sam. He IS Sam. Careful, thoughtful, deliberate, most of the time more quiet than I am (hey, I COULD keep my mouth shut if I’d like to).
Dean – I often think about him. What I like most is that he values his family and their safety more than anything else. Didn’t he kill a demon and sell his own soul to save Sam’s life?
I would do nothing like that for Sam, but I’d do it for Jared. No doubt about it.
It drives me mad that he always plays it cool, no matter how people criticize or reprove him – he just smiles or – even worse – laughs about it. It’s me who’s going to explode in every minute. Then he always whispers something in my ear which the audience can’t hear.
Words only for me. Good words. Lovingly words. Making me calm down. His motto is
“A good attitude means understanding, life is 10& what happens and 90% how you react to it”.
The amulet I always wear is a gift from my brother Sam – the letters on the backside are a gift from Jared. No one saw them yet, no one knows about them.
Imagining losing him is unbearable so I always have an eye on him (or two) –
when Sam was stabbed by Azazarel’s child Jake and died in my/Dean’s arms I was crushed, desperate though I knew it wasn’t real. My heart REALLY ached, the tears WERE real. He knew it. He understood as always.
I’m the only one allowed to call Jared Sammy.
Jared is the only one allowed to give me a nickname, to call me sweetheart.
With this last word he always gets me, makes me beam like a 1000 volt chain of lights.
In his presence I have no nightmares, hallucinations, no fears and that's why I told him
today for the first time ... what I feel.
He said he loves me, too – as usual he didn’t need the words to make me understand.