banner and beta by my dear friendaliensouldream
Thank you, sweetie!
The Vineyard - Chapter 2
On his way he felt asleep several of times, the soft rattle of the train, the murmur of the passengers, the half closed blinds had a calming effect on him, ‘like dozing in a cradle’ he thought. He thought a lot about the last weeks, the last years. How had this happened to him and Toni. There were so many questions he wanted to think about. So it wasn’t love, what was it then? Attraction? Desire? The wish for company, friendship? When they met the first time they sensed the same wavelength, at once they talked about everything, he was even able to talk about himself. He felt happy, there were butterflies in his belly every time he was going to meet Toni. In the beginning he was sure Toni would be the right one. After a very short time Toni moved to his house. When did this all change and why? Maybe they had changed- everything changed the day Toni’s parents visited them, wanted them to get married. Oh no. He couldn’t see himself as a married man, he wasn’t like that. It wouldn’t be him. Toni’s father asked him if he could imagine being together with his son for the rest of his life. What an enormous question. He had to admit this scared him more than anything else. Not the question but his answer.
After two years they estranged slowly - he wouldn’t accept it, it wouldn’t be fair to ask his partner for some space, for some more privacy. Wasn’t that privacy living with someone you love or you think you love knowing this person had given up everything just for you? So he pulled himself together, gritted his teeth and went on. For another 8 years. He worked hard so there was few or no time for thinking. Toni was happy. So it seemed. More than once he couldn’t get rid of the feeling Toni knew exactly what was going on – he got depressive, he himself felt under pressure. Now it wasn’t possible to separate. More than once he was close to do so but Toni sensed it sort of –several suicide attempts failed because Ezekiel made it home in time. He worked harder, longer, avoided to be at home more than necessary. He gave up and hid his emotions in the empty space where love once was. Last week he couldn’t go on – it was his life after all. The essential sadness was to go through life without loving, but its equally sad to go through life without telling the one who means so much to him the truth. He still liked Toni but he saw through his tactics at last. It was emotional extortion and this simply wasn’t. Not for Toni, not for himself.
He tried to talk with him about what he felt, about what he wanted to do, that he wanted to separate. Another suicide attempt, massive arguments, the question ‘why do you want to push love away?’ asked over and over again. He had to say it loud and clear that he didn’t love him anymore, not the way it should be, that is was over, that he wasn’t able to stand to him anymore. For the rest of his life? Now he would be able to answer Mr. Brown’s question in truth.
The next time he woke up the conductor informed him that they would arrive in 10 minutes. He was curious about the place he’d chosen. The landscape looked great, green, fresh and yes, breathing in deeply he needed this. He wanted this. The first time in years without any obligations, without having account for anything what he was doing. Vacation. He’d enjoy it. Maybe he could learn something about vine growing by the winegrower himself. He didn’t appreciate wine that much but he wanted to know a little about the procedures, it could be interesting. Grabbing his belongings he left the train, he was the only passenger leaving here. He didn’t know a single railway station being that small, he didn’t know any railway station besides Herrington. Over the way an ancient Chevrolet was waiting for him. „Mr. Tyler?“ – he was addressed by an old man with friendly eyes.
“My boss asked me to meet you at the station, he himself asks for apologize that he couldn’t make it for himself…”
This made him smile. Yes, it would be a great start. Breathing in deeply the fresh and clean air he slipped beside Mr. Moon (what a name!) and slowly (more than slowly) they made their way home to his new temporary ‘home’. He was looking forward to the next weeks. It was like awakening after a far too long hibernation.
He’d enjoy his time being here, he just had to.
Good night, f-list. I hope you had or still have a lovely Monday!
Love and hugs,