julchen11 (julchen11) wrote,

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a little gift for Shinta

I wanted to do this for quite a time ...
Hope you'll enjoy it

Title: Fears
Pairing: none
Rating: PG 

Everybody might fear something. Something as simple as a little bee sting or something more serious like an accident with aftereffects. I’ve one fear … One fear that will possibly tear us apart. I am worried about it. That I might lose the one I love, especially that one person who makes my life complete.

In the shows you are my brother, in real life you’re more than this. You’re my soul mate, my confidant, my best friend … words will never be enough. First I’ve only seen the pain I’ve caused myself. Now I see I’ve harmed you, I’ve created a wound that cannot heal.

I’ve tried to let you know how sorry I am but that wouldn’t be the real me. Not the one you think me to be. You are strong as my brother and as my friend. But I’m not.  I wish I wouldn’t be afraid, I wish I could let you see how much I care for you. But what then? Would you accept me?  Life isn’t an illusion, no … life is no illusion at all. As much as I talk myself into something – the real truth I can’t ignore any longer. Every single day I sit and hope for happiness … I don’t dare to letting go and show you…You terrify me because you may be the one…

I heard you talking to someone this evening “If it is eventually LOVE, it deserves to live ever through each tomorrow. Our feelings don’t depend on outcome…” I whispered softly to myself  “but it should…”  I wish I’d know how to fight these great fears … fears of another broken dream. I’m falling way to fast and too deep, you already got too far into my head – could it be that somehow I just might need you?

Like Dean I don’t believe in happy endings no matter how much I try.

Have a nice day, f-list! .
Tags: supernatural; ficlet;

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