Good morning F-list! I'm still alive *g* but soooo much behind.
I'll try to catch up with you this weekend!
Love you all,
This for my dear frodosweetstuff just because... Love you, darling!
Title: CHANGES - Chapter 10: Thoughts
„Let’s stay a little outside, Zeke… Only a few moments…“
A tremulous smile lights his face as he wraps his arms around my neck. His arms tighten and he draws my mouth down to cover mine, a silent whisper floats upon the night “Zeke…”
Soft music plays in the distance, Glen Miller again, this makes me smile. With Casey in my arms the night sky shimmers with a sweep of blinking stars. Cornflower blue eyes shift into midnight blue, dark with … with what? I’m watching the play of moonlight in his hair, this reminds me of fireflies. There’s a rush of happiness surging through me. A light breeze blows over, touching our faces, carrying the tantalizing scent of spring and him. I wish I could keep him safe in my arms forever.
“It was a lovely birthday, don’t you think? Aaron was so surprised and a little overwhelmed, too. Zeke? Where are you Zeke? You’re so fare away today, almost out of my reach…” His soft words caress my heart and I answer without thinking “ I’m sorry, Casey. I don’t know what it is – melancholy maybe. I never dreamt of something like this, Casey. It’s all so weird. Few weeks ago all was so different and now … I can’t even remember how it was before Aaron, before you.”
He knows me better than anyone else, touches me more deeply, knows me right through my soul. We’re still standing at the porch when he lifts his head. His eyes are shining, they are so deep, piercing me. Unable to cross the little distance between us … I can’t speak anymore, there’s a lump in my throat and I’m so close to tears without any reason – he just kisses me. Soft. Briefly. Lips parted, touching again, sweet, velvety – it feels like I’m drowning in the endless depth of emotions. Tasting his skin along his jaw, up the line of his neck, feeling the pulsating heat of his heart is hard to describe. Words wouldn’t be enough. Never enough.
He runs a finger along the side of y cheek and catches a tear before it falls.
“Don’t you ever lose the person you are, Zeke. Don’t you ever stop being my friend,” he whispers.
What I want to tell him is: I care, I feel, I love.
“Let’s go inside, Zeke…” I feel like slowly walking through a soft summer rain, walking on clouds. He closes the window-blinds, waving to Aaron who’s doing the same. He turns on the radio very low only to turn it off a few minutes later. It’s so tempting watching him …
After I got us some water from the refrigerator we flop down on the couch, enjoying the sight of the night. I feel nervous, one half inside me cries “Read it!”, the other half cries “Don’t!”
“You don’t have to do it now, Zeke…” How does he always know what I’m thinking. He snuggles up beside me, taking one of my hands, playing with my fingers. Looking at his profile takes my breath away. He looks like a statue of long gone days with his porcelain skin and this special aura around him. I’m sure he isn’t even aware his effect. Watching him breathing I don’t know what it is, why it is like this, even this touches me. How many secrets are we going to discover, how many dreams – his as well as mine.
I feel at ease … all because of two people. The ‘I-don’t-give-a-shit’-times are past. They changed so much, this little moment changes me as well. It’s like the part of a puzzle but I can’t see the motive, not yet.
“How did it all began, Zeke? “ And I start talking … because I want to. “We talked a lot about my grandmother. There’s still so much I want to know. He told me he loved her his entire life. Only her. No one else. Though it was love without any hope.She married my grandpa the year before my mom was born.”
“Unrequited love. I wonder how strong do you have to be to bear it.”
“This love has gone deep, Casey. He told me she loved him, too. Always.”
“Imagining to love somebody without a chance makes me sad. It scares me, Zeke.”
“I know what you mean… Now I know it.”
Softly stroking his hair, his head on my shoulders I can’t stop talking for hours.
“When Aaron told me about the time I was sick, that you and you mother were there, you cared for me I felt embarrassed, anxious, too…”
“Hmm… Why you? Where did it come from? We didn’t talk, we haven’t met – we haven’t been friends… More than once I wanted to ask my grandma what to do, how to handle it. So I talked to Aaron. I was so nervous talking to you. Even now…”
“You’re nervous now?”
“Yes, even now. There’s something big rolling toward me, something I can’t explain, something unknown. It scares me on one hand, on the other hand I can’t wait to get in touch with it.”
Tracing patterns across the palms of my hands he asks me silently “and now?”
“Now there are two persons in my life whom I trust. Every time I’m talking to you or to Aaron I feel … safe. Every time you’re looking at me, smiling at me, now touching me the wall I carefully built up for many years becomes smaller and smaller. It’s already shattered in millions of pieces. And I like it. I truly like it. And Aaron, my grandma and you…”
He lifts his head again, touches my face gently, every inch of it and now it’s me kissing him. Soft and tender but with all my heart.
After a while we’re both staring at the letters.
“Are you ready for them, Zeke?”
“I don’t know…”
Casey takes one of them, looking at it intensely, murmuring “She had a beautiful handwriting. I’m sure she was a wonderful woman and a loving grandma. Aaron wouldn’t have given the letters to you if they could hurt you, don’t you think?”
Kissing him briefly again I have to admit “Yes, I think so. Then open the first one please…”
“Are you sure you want me to read it?”
“Yes, I couldn’t do this, Casey…”
Removing the envelope, clearing his throat he begins to read.