Good morning, afternoon, evening f-list!
Isn't it a wonderful day, today ? I flipped through my garden books and I ordered some roses today.
The one above is called "strawberry swirl" and it was a MUST!
Now I have to scrub the floor a bit and the laundry is waiting (as usual it can wait!) ...
So I think I'll spend some time with reading :-)) The best you can do on a rainy afternoon like that.
See you later again, dears.
Enjoy this beautiful day!
Love and hugs,
This is for my dear mews1945 just because ... I hope you'll enjoy.
Thanks for aliensouldream for looking over it.
Title: CHANGES - Part 2: Revelation
I can’t get Casey out of my head. No matter how much or how long I work – he’s always there. I even talked to myself as if I’d be talking to him. Asking questions – answering by myself. Crazy. Crazy it’s Casey
I never knew stargazing could be so inspiring – and I do this a lot these nights. It’s funny that I didn’t remember that because as child I enjoyed looking out my window and the vast blue above. ‘What are you looking at?’ my grandma always asked. It never felt as if I could have given a definitive answer, so I always replied, ‘Everything and nothing.’ The sky is another world with twinkling friends smiling back at me and a silver moon that makes my heart swell with a feeling I still cannot explain. This childhood love has returned and I’ve taken up this favorite pastime hobby-style learning more about maps and constellations. I’ve planned to go out these last two nights but there was too much cloud cover, so hopefully I’ll have better luck over the weekend.
Before I went to bed tonight I stumbled over a website about the meaning of kisses. Should I … ? Yes, I should.
Kiss on the cheeks – we’re friends – can cope with it!
Kiss on the hand – I adore you… Fuck!
Kiss on the shoulder – I want you… Doublefuck!
Come on Zeke, be sure Casey doesn’t know any of this. He just cared for me.
Since this evening we’re talking a lot more about … personal stuff, Aaron and I. He’s a wise man and I’m looking forward to the evening talks with pipe and beer. He got me my own pipe as my birthday gift – he’s the only one who knows about this day. It’s beautiful, so smoothly curved with beautiful wood carving and my name on it. Makes me feel like Huckleberry Finn sometimes.
I learned a lot about my grandmother, what she liked, what she did, how she was… She loved gardening, the harder the better. He handed me one of her favorite books “The meaning of Roses” and there’s a quote I read over and over again. “He who would have beautiful roses in his garden must have beautiful roses in his heart. He must love them well and always. He must have not only the glowing admiration, the enthusiasm, and the passion, but the tenderness, the thoughtfulness, the reverence, the watchfulness of love. “
It sounds so like my grandma. When I flipped through the book, looking at the gorgeous photographs (I’m sure Casey would love them), looking at her remarks at several sides, tips and tricks - it was very painful at first, almost unbearable - now I want to know everything. Aaron handed me some letters they wrote to each other. They are still closed. I can’t bring myself to reading them alone…
In his house there’s a sign above the front door “Life is what’s coming – not what was.”
Last week, na, what do I say, every day we’re talking about Casey. I don’t know why but Aaron makes me want to talk about Casey – almost non-stop.
We’re sitting – as usual – at his porch, the sun goes down, it’s still warm and looking around I feel very content in what we’ve done this evening. Out of the blue he asks me “Do you like him, Zeke? “
Could be, but – Jesus Christ – he should have warned me about asking me this so… directly !
Hmmm. What I’ve learned the last weeks … I’m not into girls. Aaron made me chatter like a goose, thinking aloud I had to admit – no, no girls! He felt embarrassed when I told him about how many there were just for sex and fun. Nothing more. To ease the carnal desire. He even blushed a little, ok, he’s allowed to blush – he’s old. I’m sure in his youth and best years nobody would have been that bold talking about sex.
“So no girls anymore, boy?”
I’m just nodding… It’s not that I don’t like them – oh no – but all Jenny’s, Angie’s, Lucie’s,
“I don’t know why – but I can’t imagine being together with a girl anymore, it’s weird, isn’t it? “
“So it’s Casey then?”
“Yes, I think I could like him… Am I gay, Aaron? ”
Aaron chuckled first then he was bursting with laughter.
“Zeke-boy! I think you still know the answer.
I’m old and not blind. You should see your eyes when you’re talking about him. Your eyes are shining like 1000 Volt, even the sun could hide behind those beaming eyes. But it’s time talking to Casey, don’t you think?”
“Yes, I think so…”
Can’t sleep. Aaron is right. I will talk to him… because …I have to and I want to. Tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow.
No. Tomorrow. It’s a deal then!
God, what the heck could I say … Can’t tell him straight that I like him.
There. I said it. If only to myself. And I don’t know this boy… guy… man… Not at all.