It's a beautiful day today - I slept more than 14 hours and now finally I'm awake (hopefully longer than for one hour) but I'm feeling better with every day.
Thanks to you all for your lovely words, support and good vibes.
Have a lovely Sunday!
Title: "Is it a date?"
Saturday nights usually are made for fun. I invited Casey – for some DVD or music or whatever. At home I feel great until the words “Casey will be my date tonight” were running through my head! I must be crazy.
We hadn’t seen each other for 2 weeks, so we have at lot of catching up to do. But what to say? Something funny or interesting or …I shouldn’t think about it. It isn’t that we didn’t talk before, oh no. We talked with each other every chance we got. But this is going to be different. This isn’t public. I’ve had many first dates, but the nervous anticipation and excitement seem to show itself through my sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat. What will this “date” be like? Is it a “date” at all? Even Casey has no clue? Could he be “The One?”
I should clean my room. This could be a Serial Killer Central! Shit! Ok, this will get me distracted! All the more distracted, if I can bring myself to do anything!
8 p.m. – a knock at the door, he really came! When he walks in I look around an feel ashamed. I should have cleaned this mess here… Shit!
First we have dinner (I ordered pasta, pizza and salad from the little Italian restaurant just around the corner) – excellent tasty food, prepared with care and imagination. We have a glass of pink sparkling wine after this and then I just know what to say let alone do (how it was expected) . Because I feel so very nervous. I got us some DVD but I can’t bring myself to turn them on. Not yet. Instead we’re listening to a little music on the radio. This is all the more embarrassing because they only play songs I call “ heartbreakers” and love songs. Casey blushes, I’m glad I dimmed the light so he can’t see my face. Zeke with rosy cheeks – can’t stand it. After a little while Casey starts talking…
“Why did you want me to come, Zeke?” I was well prepared for this question and now I don’t know what to answer. It’s not that I didn’t think about this question yet I’m surprised by his courage. Holding my breath there’s only a croak to hear something I can’t remember and Casey simply … smiles.
“Are you nervous, Zeke?” Is it that obvious? ‘say something’ I’m telling myself but again my brain runs blank “So you invited me for dinner to keep quiet…, Zeke?” I feel like a fool. I AM a fool.
“Zeke? May I ask you something?”
“Do you regret it?”
“That I’m here?”
Goodness. “Hell no, Casey. It’s … nice…”
“Yeah… Want to watch a movie?” A three-hour date with a movie that lasts two and a half-hours is not a good way to get acquainted. How stupid! I know exactly how to ruin this evening…
“Sure… Maybe some action movie…” He gazes in my eyes with deep interest and his pupils are dilated. Azur blue… sky blue… dark blue…
“You have to push the button to keep it running, Zeke…”
We are watching this I-can-remember-the-name-and-much-too-lon
He’s ending up on top of me, leaning down really close.. We’re doing this a few times and I think we both know what we are doing. Finally we are just talking, then we start whispering… With his head on my chest and his hands on my shoulders my heart is beating so fast – I think it will burst.
Then he reaches down and grabs my hand, kissing my wrist, my palm, my fingers. He knows exactly what he’s doing right now and I … can’t move.
Finally he leans in and kisses me, lingering, slow and deep. I almost pulled back but decided to give it a try.
Our lips meet again. It’s a nice kiss, very gentle and surprised how soft his lips are. His tongue enters my mouth and I meet it with my own. We just kiss and kiss. His touch is warm, soft and very arousing. I've been with women before but nothing prepared me for this, however.
“Casey … do you know how this feels?”
He smiles at me this radiant smile.
“Tell me, Zeke…”
“It feels like running head first down into pillows…”
Then we star laughing until tears are running down our faces… It isn’t the worst date I have… There’s still the question “Is it a date at all?”