julchen11 (julchen11) wrote,

Kingdom of Loneliness

Banner made by my dear friend and muse aliensouldream 

Title : Kingdom of Loneliness
          Letter 15
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG

Dear Zeke,


this is a letter you won't get but I have to write it anyway…

When I woke up yesterday you haven't been there. I smiled… I felt so happy.

I got up looking for you because I couldn't wait for my very first good morning kiss.

You sat in your kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Zeke…"


Ok. You're definitely not a morning person.

When I put my arms around you trying to kiss you - you flinched. "What's up, Zeke?"

 "You must go now, Casey" you said without any emotion and  pushed me away.

I couldn’t believe what you’ve said so I had to ask you “You want me to go?”

"It's better if you go … NOW!" you said quietly.


No, you couldn’t be serious. “Are you ok, Zeke?” Nothing. I watched you – red face, eyes blood-shot… “Zeke?” – “Go, Casey. Go. Now” You nearly snapped at me. Oh no, Mister.

"You’re scared, aren’t you?"

“Why should I? What didn’t you understand when I said GO NOW!!!”

“Oh, you are scared that we might be close, too close… Or that people might know you might like – I don’t say love – LIKE me, or that you are gay… “

You looked at me.. What did you see, Zeke? Did you see ME?


Hands in the pockets of your jeans you nearly yelled "Just open the door and go!!!. And DON'T.COME.BACK!"

"But why? Why, Zeke?"

You said nothing anymore.

Oh, now I knew … "It was a game for you, wasn’t  it, Zeke?"

"If you say so" you grumbled…

Oh my god!

I didn't understand, just grabbed my bag and ran out of your house.

I don't know how I made it home. What happened? Why did you treat me like this?

It was a game for you - a fucking game.


This can't be, no… I won't believe it. I thought there's something special going on between us.  Wishful thinking…

Where's the man I met last night?

This man is a stranger to me, cold, cold as ice.



Now, 6 days later, I didn't hear a single word. You haven't been at school. That was it then? Over and out? I just want to understand, wouldn't it be fair?

I couldn't even cry, not a tiny single tear. The shock is still too deep.

You told me it was a game for you… a game… But who's the winner, Zeke?

You? No, there's no winner.

I remember you told me you would hurt me. You never lied to me. So this must be true.

I was such a fool to think you could feel something for me.


I have to accept it – it's the end of the show.



I hope you’re all having a wonderful Sunday, my friends.

I’m still at home, still sick but I’m feeling better, because I'm allowed to take some little walks :-)





Tags: kingdom of loneliness; fanfiction;

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