julchen11 (julchen11) wrote,

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The diary

Diaries are very interesting, I love mine though sometimes I simply don't know what I was talking about ... some entries are pretty chaotic :-))

Title: Zeke's diary 2
Writer: Zeke
Rating: PG


My day… I thought a lot about you… about what you said…

You said to me:

You’re the kind of guy you use to look at from across the room – the one who sometimes looks back, but never encourages you beyond the return of your own glance.  It always sucks to be reminded of my limitations …Just sitting beside you makes my heart race, the anticipation grows and I can’t do anything against it.

Your voice seemed so clear, careful, powerful, too…

The mind can be a powerful tool in creating your own personal fantasy. There are no limits to where you can take yourself. So sit back, Zeke - close your eyes and imagine what you would like to be doing… or have done to you. You think we are too different Casey, right?

I should tell you ‘Don’t think too much about the differences, maybe you would just enjoy them…’ I should tell this to me, too. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it’s not me I see… but sometimes it is me – that scares me even more.

Differences. What does this mean at all? We had a discussion for hours. You think so less of yourself that makes me angry. You are special, of course you won’t hear anything about it. But you are. To me you are one of a kind. You asked me to explain it, why should I? To be true – I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it’s the difference between us that will keep us together. We still have to be ourselves… easy said. This scares me, too. But it’s only fair to open up now and then. You always do. I hardly can, I’m simply not good at it, I don’t feel, well, comfortable. But I got started. Sligthly. And you – understand.

I re-read an entry in my last diary, the entry about the day you caught my attention. Of course I knew you but I wasn’t interested so far.

It was your scent when you passed me in the hallway. You went unnoticed … Casually dressed in faded jeans, T-shirt and sneekers,  hair standing out in any direction as you’d have just left your bed.  I passed you and you went unnoticed, leaving the trail of your essence wafting on the subtle currents of air.  A trace of your scent caught me, intrigued me, captivated me, and I turned my head to look at you again. Your scent - delicious, exciting, alluring. I wanted … more.
Standing beside you, taking a shelf of books with me - books I never used so far -  I simply enjoyed the intoxicating aura of scent that surrounded you, my senses came back. I had no idea who you are, what you were into. You must have sensed that I was focused on you as you looked straight into my eyes. I dropped the books, felt clumsy but   I returned the look, perhaps with sparingly veiled longing, for you gave me a smile. I smiled back- at least I tried to – wanted to speak, but I didn’t know what to say. This never happened before. After reading this I had to smile.


Sometimes my heart and my head are so … full, that I simply can’t talk. And you always know, whispering “I know…”

You should know you’re everything I’m not and that’s all I want. Sometime I’ll open up a little more and maybe I’ll tell you about how all began.

Result of today:

Not that bad. I feel weak, but only a bit. Another good day.

Casey loves me.

I love my Casey even more.

Good night, Zeke. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, looking forward to my boyfriend

Yes, that’s a good thing.

Have a wonderful weekend, f-list!

Tags: c/z; zeke's diary;

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