It's been a while ...
The beautiful banner is made by my dear friend aliensouldream
Thank you, sweetie. Without you I wouldn't have posted a single word.
I'm still at home for another two weeks ... I still feel a little weak but it isn't that bad to be at home ... much time for writing and reading.
Title: Kingdom of Loneliness
Letters 9 and 10
You’re watching me… with your big blue eyes, with a gaze like a curious little boy.
It makes me sigh… I’m so confused, nervous, excited.
I take your hand and you hold on. Looking at each other we get lost in thoughts, both of us, another time I don’t know what to say … Reading your last letter makes me feel … small… in a good kind of way. Just now I realize what is happening. Is it too close? Is it too deep? Is it too much for you. You whisper in my ear “don’t think too much”.
My heart is beating and it skips like people in musicals … singing about happiness and love. Love gives me the courage not to care at this moment, no… not to worry anymore.
We are looking at each other in the dark… smiling… We inch closer and closer to reality without remembering any moments of pain and hurt before.
That night you’ll take me home. You smile nervously while I keep my serious face. Before I have time to react your lips are touching mine, the heat of the moment fusing us together, the passion of the kiss immortalizing the moment in our memories.
“It’s a miracle, Casey…” I can’t look away, my eyes are fixed on you. I embrace you and I’m melting in your arms.
Skin on skin we are creating a beautiful catastrophe, each point of contact an epicenter that sends shockwaves through our bodies. We don’t break eye contact … a line of a poem is running through my mind … “the world opens to the sunlight … flooding my room, I see an angel laying next to me.”
Studying your beautiful face, watching the heaving of your chest with each breath, the blood pulsing through the veins in your neck, baby fine hair wafting gently in the breeze … the pores in your skin… the fullness of your lips… I’ll never get used to your … charm.
I’m glad it’s dark … to hide my damp, red eyes… neither do I want to explain nor do I know how…
We interact so much with the world by the touching we do with our hands. "Come closer," you murmur … I’m still holding your head in my hands like the sacred object it is.
I wrap my arms and legs around you, as content as I had ever hoped to be. Your chest rises, and with a low groan, it falls. Your body tenses and freezes. Toe to toe, and tongue to tongue, we intertwine our legs, kiss , and prop ourselves up on our elbows. Neither of us says anything for a long, long time. It’s a very special… a magic moment; when the rhythm takes me over I’m under your spell…
And it is my first night of truthful love. But it is also the first night of a certainty that we have reached a point in our relationship where we know we'll be sitting together on a park bench in our eighties, never having drifted apart, always a part of each other's lives.
“Oh my God… Casey… I have to warn you …”
But you … simply kiss me again.
So it is true “even the smallest can change the world…”
You changed mine, Casey.
With all my love,
My dear Zeke,
when I left you after this special night my head was spinning, my knees were wobbling and I felt dizzy. Even now, few hours later, my hair stand on end, there are goosebumps on my arms… Walking through the cold and fresh night I felt so hyperactive, thrilled as well as… calm.
When I took your hands, watching you, I wish you could have seen your eyes. I’ve never seen brown eyes that dark, that shining, that excited … confused, too. You seemed surprised.
Some dark barriers behind those eyes, so hungry and wild, disappeared as quickly as it had flared. Your touches made me crazy, too… not only the touch of your hands. Zeke. Zeke. Zeke.
I could feel your thoughts ‘running’ through your head. I wanted to be closer. When your lips touched mine the first time, so soft, cool, dry, velvety I could feel your nervousness, too.
I was surprised that you were more nervous as I was. Passion took over, your slightly moving lips , your low moans, it seemed you sank into me, just crawling under my skin. “It’s a miracle”, you whispered… sweeter than the most beautiful melody. It was me to steady you, it was me holding you that you wouldn’t fall. With you burried in my arms, nestled in a cocoon of love … I felt important and strong. For the first time. There was so much heat between us, skin to skin, even we were fully dressed. You are a magician making me feel like this. I cupped your face in my hands, ‘scanning’ every inch of your face, every pore, every crinkle, the little stubbles on your chin as well as your long lashes. Kissing them, kissing your eyes, tasting salty rivulets … tears… tears of new found life, tears of unknown borders, Zeke? Border we still left behind us, they don’t exist anymore. We still walked across those borderlines. When you wrapped your legs around me, pulling me closer I didn’t know where my body ended and where yours began. Rocking back and forth, up and down there was no space between us. We moved as one, we breathed as one, even our hearts beat the same rhythm.
I couldn’t break the kiss, we couldn’t break it. I breathed your breath, I smelled your smell, I tasted … you. Every thrust revealed your name. Closer. Closer. Closer.
I was fascinated by the random colours behind my eyes, I was listening entranced to your breathing, hard, fast, hot…
Lust-induced madness ending in explosional release.
Then you warned me.
Oh, Zeke … you don’t know how dangerous your life will become.
I thought you’d be a hurt nut to crack but now I know you’ve just waited to be absorbed by… love. And me.
Have a wonderful Froday, my friends.
I missed you…but now I'm back!
Love and hugs,