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Title: Kingdom of Loneliness
another night I’m still awake,overwhelmed about what happened. What happened at all?
Before you arrived I thought about what I would say, repeated it, over and over again.
The moment you arrived – all words had gone with the wind. And you – simply hugged me, gently, briefly. I was… thunderstruck, for the love of God I couldn’t MOVE, I couldn’t react, I did … nothing.
You took my hand and pulled me into my house. Then you talked to me, soft and merely to hear … this made me talk, too. For hours.
I remember every single word of our conversation very clearly as well as the sound of your voice, the expression on your face, your movements…
“Casey, what happened last night … I…”
“Don’t stay it, Zeke. I understand … A man like you and a … boy … like me…”
“Stop this, Casey! I’m not sorry what happened, I don’t regret anything. And believe me – I didn’t plan anything like this …”
“Why did you do it? Why did you ask me to join you to the party? Why did you ask me for the dance?”
You looked so … hurt.
“Casey. I just wanted to be with you, at this very moment I wanted nothing more than to dance with you. When we danced it felt so… right. It … touched me…”
Your frown was fading at this moment. Never ever did I say words like this, my voice was shaking…
Then you did something incredible. You took my hands and … kissed my palms… Oh my god, Casey. No one kissed me like this before. I felt … weak. Me? The Zeke? Weak? Who cares.
You looked at me, touched every inch of my face … my chin, my forehead, my eyes, my lashed, my cheeks, my lips… Then you “whispered” a little kiss to my nose, my lips and I kissed you back and … passed out. Few moments later when I opened my eyes you smiled again, stroking my arms…
“What’s the difference in kissing girls and kissing me, Zeke`?”
“I’ve been kissed by girls, yes – but I never really kissed.”
“What do you mean?”
“See – it should be to give and to take. But I’ve only taken so far. Call it primal desire or something like that… “
You looked thoughtful but not … surprised.
“How’s the difference for you, Casey?”
“There is no difference…”
“What I wanted to say is I never kissed ...girls…”