julchen11 (julchen11) wrote,

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Thanks to my wonderful beta aliensouldream 
without you this wouldn't be possible.

Title: Kingdom of Loneliness
          Letter 4
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG

My dear Zeke!


It's Saturday morning 6 a.m. and I can't sleep. The night was … overwhelming.

I was so afraid to go to the party, because so many people would be there.

People who ignored or treated me so far. Suddenly they talked to me! I was stammering, unable to build a complete sentence and I was so glad you stayed put. One of the guys offered me a glass of whisky when you went to get me a coke. The guy got a bit angry when I said no. He hissed something at me but stopped at once when you showed up. "What's up?" you asked him and he nearly fled. "You're ok, Casey?" Oh yes. I felt more than ok, I felt great.


And you… smiled at me. You could kill (me) with your smile, do you know this? Then you surprised me when you asked me for a dance! I Casey-the-geek-Connor was going to have a dance with The-Tyler-Zeke! One hand around my waist, one hand holding one of mine – they played a love song, not too slow, not too fast – I had to lean on you because my knees were wobbling.

You pulled me closer. I could feel your breath on my neck. My hair stood on end! You made me shiver. Looking over your shoulder Stokely gave me her  'thumbs up' and blew a little kiss to me. They dimmed the light and played a very slow song. My heart skipped a beat when I felt your lips behind my ear … I almost groaned. I put one hand on your chest, lifted my head and got lost… in your eyes. Your eyes … there was something in your eyes I didn't know but it felt … wonderful. Then the song was over and this precious little moment was gone. We've never been that close, I've never been that close with anyone. It felt so good and it felt so … right. You whispered "Let's go outside for a little while" … I decided to go alone first, waiting for you. It didn't last very long until you joined me. I could only but smile (I hope it was a smile and no grin) at you and I felt so… small. It must be your sixth sense to feel my nervousness. Standing behind me you put your arms around me, swaying with me slowly to the music. I felt so safe and important. "Zeke" It was only a low moan and your grip tightened.

Then Stan and Stokes showed up, I wanted to let go but you held me all the more tighter, whispering "Stay"… I felt a bit embarrassed and … proud…happy. Stan and Stokes kept on smiling, Stan giggled and said "finally you made it. 2 cats strolling around an empty milk pot

is hard to bear. Especially when the cats are THAT slow!" This made us laugh. I looked at you and …blushed. We stood there for a while and then I had to go home. Of course you gave me a ride. When we stopped in front of my parents' house …my dad was waiting for me.

'I wish I didn't have to leave ' I told you.. You smiled and squeezed my hands. 'Want to come to me, tomorrow, Casey?' I thought you wouldn't ask', I replied. Some dark deep barrier behind your eyes was replaced by something uncontrolled, something hungry and … wild – disappearing as quickly as it had flared. And I loved it. Then you had to go.


Now laying in my bed, still feeling your arms around me, enchanted by the little kiss behind my ear, listening to your heartbeat when we danced… I miss you, Zeke.


See you tomorrow then,



Tags: kingdom of loneliness; fanfiction;

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